Lately I've been in a really low mood. Nothing that's a big deal just lots of little things that are slowly starting to build up. As many of you know, I've been at boarding school since the age of 9, and I think I grew out of it in the middle of lower sixth. I'm now constantly homesick and just want my family around me all the time. I think now I'm older, and because I've been away for so long, I've really grown to adore and respect them, so being away from family is starting to be a killer for me. And although, technically Hannah isn't family, I would regard her as my sister. Since she left England last year my life hasn't been the same; I'm used to living with her, as I have done for 6 years. What really amazes me though is that even though she's now in Germany, we're still so close, probably closer, and even though I miss her like crazy, I could not be more grateful to have been blessed with someone like her because I know it's not everyday you find someone who you know will be there for the rest of your life.
Recently things have come to an end with someone who's had a rather large impact on my life, and even though I know it was the best thing to do, it's made me feel rather 'put to the side'. I'm really not sure if that makes sense but it's the only way I can describe it! I do know this seems rather niave of me, but I do know that I'm young and that more people will come around.
I've also been rather stressed out with putting together my portfolio, preparing for my university interviews, and really trying to push on with my most recent art project whilst still trying really hard to make sure everything in my other A Levels are clear in my head. I'm not saying I'm the only person going through this, but I do wish I could have a break for a week! After having a chat with my mum, she said some very simple words that managed to put a smile upon my face, 'Just work hard, and the world will be at your feet.'
I've been brought up being told this. My parents have never pressured me into anything I don't want to do, or pressured me to get those As and A*s, they've always said that aslong as I try my very hardest, that's all they can ask for. & I think everyone should live by this.
My friend Matthew is also extremely ill in hospital at the moment, and that feeling of being completely helpless is just the worst. But he never complains, and it just puts everything into perspective for me. I have issues with my body image, and he's lying in hospital bed dying, but fighting. I need to get over myself!
I have many things to look forward to this year: Poland this month, Orlando in March for two weeks, followed by Hannah staying for a week, for which I have many little suprises planned, and I'm going to Sarah's for the weekend for a dinner party with a few of the girls. It should be lovely and I cannot wait.
The message I'm trying, and maybe failing, to show is that if you're feeling down, don't be embarassed about it, because everyone feels down. Wallow in self-pity for a while! You probably need it! But always have in the back of your head that family, friends, remembering you could be worse off, and hard-work will get you through anything. Of course I'm still feeling low, but I know I'll get their eventually.
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